Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
