did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
