a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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