btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
