I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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