What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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