sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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