I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize