I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
