beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
