No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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