I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She bit a glass in half.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
