Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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