Small penises have feelings too.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
