the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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