In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
