Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
