I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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