I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
