so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She just used a chaser for red wine.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
