Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
