3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
