I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
