Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
