day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
