nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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