oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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