i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
