Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
