Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
