it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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