he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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