So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
