I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
