i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize