dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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