Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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