Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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