he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
