I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
