you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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