Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize