What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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