I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
