when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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