I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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