she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
