an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
