So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
