she looked like the before picture.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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