I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
