I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize