if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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