You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
