so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
