Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
