She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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