You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
