4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize