I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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