yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
