the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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