You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
