I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
