i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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