you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
