note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize