i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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