well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
