i think i have herpe
just one?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I supernannyed him into submission
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
