I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
