we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
