plz talk dirty to me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize