Will you blow on my dice?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
