all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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