The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
