ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
