new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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