Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
