Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
