True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
