..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
