sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
