My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
