MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
