I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
