i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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