i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize