so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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