May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
