We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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