Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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