I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
