My friends, they love my intelligence
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
