he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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