why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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