I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
