if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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