dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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