I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Randomize
