dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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