You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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