In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Use "feeling words"
Yay
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
