Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
