i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
