I heard we made out
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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