I heard we made out
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize