i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
